“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
Romans 8:28
“Imagine a world filled with self-empowered, uncensored, authentic women, who live an unapologetic, abundant life, on their own terms as living examples to the next generation of women to come”.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”
John 10:10
In the year ending March 2019, the CSEW estimated that women were more likely to have experienced emotional abuse before the age of 16 years than men, at 2.4 million women compared with 1.4 million men
Results from the National Intimate Partner & Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS) show that approximately 50 percent of Americans had experienced lifetime emotional abuse by a partner. There’s a lot of confusion around emotional abuse and how it differs from other types of abuse, such as physical abuse and verbal abuse.
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly.”
John 10:10
In the year ending March 2019, the CSEW estimated that women were more likely to have experienced emotional abuse before the age of 16 years than men, at 2.4 million women compared with 1.4 million men
Results from the National Intimate Partner & Sexual Violence Survey (NISVS) show that approximately 50 percent of Americans had experienced lifetime emotional abuse by a partner. There’s a lot of confusion around emotional abuse and how it differs from other types of abuse, such as physical abuse and verbal abuse.
“If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.”
Romans 12:18
Waking up realizing that you are living in an alternate universe you never thought you would be and questioning, “Who am I and how did I get here?”. As women we get so lost in other people’s dreams and desires; we completely lose ourselves. This is not the life that God gave his son’s life for. You can be the woman that God calls you to be. It’s not a selfish desire, in fact it is how you fulfill the mission God created you for.
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love.”
1 John 4:18
When I was in my teenage years my daddy would tell me every single day; “you only have two things going for you; You are pretty and smart”. Eventually he added in “And you love Jesus”. But I grew up knowing I had value. I was pretty, smart, and I loved Jesus. Although I was bullied ruthlessly in elementary school, I always had some confidence and it grew as I got older. I went on to college and had extremely high standards where men were concerned. I wanted to work with Junior High girls and teach them how to value themselves, to fight for them to know they were also both pretty and smart, and I wanted someone to support me in that endeavor.
In May of 2020 when my world got flipped upside down by my now ex-husband’s life shattering confession, I had a friend tell me “He bet on the wrong girl”. My dad then asked me “Do you think he forgot that you went off to college to get a degree so you could serve Junior High girls? How did he not think you would fight to protect a Junior High girl?”.
It was in that moment that I realized; I had forgotten that I went off to college to learn how to serve Junior High girls. I had completely lost myself over the course of 15 years. I had gotten so busy trying to save my marriage, raise my kids and provide for my family that I didn’t even remember what my dreams were. I let myself get so entangled with supporting someone else’s dreams that I literally forgot my own. That’s a dangerous place to be, completely focused on someone else to a point of neglecting yourself. There is a delicate balance between selflessness and self-care or concern. It’s empowering when we discover that balance. It is possible to love and support others while also pursuing your dreams and caring for yourself. It does however require effort and a lot of boundaries. You are not selfish for wanting things for yourself! I had to learn that I was not selfish for pursuing my dreams for me, on my own terms.
I see this as such an issue in the “church” today. Scripture is being used as a weapon against women, to teach us to sit down and be submissive to our husbands. Submissive to a point of obedience. Scripture doesn’t say anything about obedience to a husband. Scripture gives more instruction toward husbands and how they are to love their wives than to wives submitting to their husbands.
“Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. “
Colossians 3:19
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”
Ephesians 5:25
When a husband is loving their wife the way scripture tells them too; that’s sexy!
I’d love to be under that leadership in my life.
Unfortunately, we’re seeing a shift in our culture of men wanting the submission without upholding their part. It’s vital that women/wives realize that holding your husband accountable for this isn’t disrespectful, it’s protective of their marriage.
I lost that somehow along the way and now realize that it's possible to be selfless in support of someone else while still getting your needs met; but it requires work and clearly defined boundaries.
“And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”
Romans 8:28
What is it that is holding you back from where you want to be?
You can’t begin the process without knowing where you are now. Start from where you are. Commit to doing the work. Consistency. Learning a new habit. The willingness to get uncomfortable! Because what has become comfortable, is simply a false sense of familiarity that you have identified as “comfortable”. Finding self-confidence. Reading the books. Hiring the coaches.
Indecision is a decision!
No communication is communication!
Identify your “shackles”.
Who/What’s holding the key?
Who/What have you given the key to?
You have the power of choice and the choice to change the key.
Reinvent who you were born to be!
“For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.”
Jeremiah 29:11
Boundary Setting, Confidence, Freedom. You will leave my program empowered to stand in your truth of who God created you to be and ready to take on the obstacles that come your way with confidence; walking in freedom and protective of yourself; body, mind and soul.
“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant.”
1 Corinthians 13:4
“I don’t believe in divorce. The church doesn’t believe in divorce. How do I navigate this marriage and heal in a healthy way? Is my marriage salvageable? What if my partner is in denial and not willing to do the work to reinvent our marriage?”
I firmly believe that God does not want his daughters to be in relationships that are abusive in any way. Each marriage is different. Some can be saved and some cannot. However, I also believe that we don’t have a divorce problem in our churches, we have an abuse problem. God’s daughters are being abused (emotionally, verbally, physically and mentally) at an alarming rate. It’s time that we stand up and demand different and better. This is what God wants for us!!!
“How do I get real? Honest? Is divorce the answer?”
You first have to identify where you are. Are you unhappy, are you lonely? Where are you? What are your obstacles? What/Who do you want to be? These are the things we have to dive in to in order to figure out where you are going and what you need to do.
How is this different than therapy?
Therapy is a lot of talking and processing. I believe in action. Identifying what do you need to do to get to where you want to be. Sometimes that requires talking and doing introspective work; but just like scripture says, “faith without works is dead.”
“The LORD also will be a stronghold for the oppressed, A stronghold in times of trouble.”
Psalm 9:9
“Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord.”
Romans 12:19
Shellie Denae is a self-empowerment mentor, sought after speaker, badass boundary setter, fearless problem solver and an aspiring author.
By using her own journey and transformation through trauma, setback and loss, she has made it her mission to coach, teach and guide traumatized women on how to embrace their own true self-worth and greatness! She selflessly and vulnerably uses her own story of losing her own identity in the service of others to help create relatedness, build trust and be an inspiration for those who need her in the world.
“Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, “VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,” says the Lord.”
Romans 12:19
Shellie Denae is a self-empowerment mentor, sought after speaker, badass boundary setter, fearless problem solver and an aspiring author.
By using her own journey and transformation through trauma, setback and loss, she has made it her mission to coach, teach and guide traumatized women on how to embrace their own true self-worth and greatness! She selflessly and vulnerably uses her own story of losing her own identity in the service of others to help create relatedness, build trust and be an inspiration for those who need her in the world.
